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Frequently Asked Questions
 

PLEASE BE AWARE THAT PJSM PRINTS RESERVE THE RIGHT
TO REFUSE ORDERS FROM ANY
PERSONS CONDUCTING THEMSELVES IN AN
OBNOXIOUS MANNER. ANYONE ATTEMPTING TO PLACE A FRAUDULENT
TRANSACTION WILL BE AUTOMATICALLY BLACKLISTED.

 

PLEASE DO NOT SEND YOUR OWN BOOKS TO BE AUTOGRAPHED

W. B. Yeats wrote on the endpaper of a copy of his The Winding Stair and Other Poems (1933):

Never send a book to an author to be autographed
(1) because he has no sealing wax,
(2) because he has no string,
(3) because he does not know how to tie up a parcel,
(4) because you will probably not get the book back.

Thomas Hardy once showed me a corner cupboard full of such books.

He gave them to his friends on their birthdays.





A LIGHT HEARTED (*1) SELECTION OF OUR MOST FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

I have read your Frequently Asked Questions, do they apply to me?
Yes, they do.

I'm confused , do they really apply to me?
Yes, they do.

Seriously , do they really apply to me?
Seriously, YES, they really do.

I placed an order yesterday, where is it?
Orders can take up to 28 days to process, especially at the busiest times of year such as Christmas or during the publication of a new book.  However, we always endeavour to send all orders as soon as possible, but this can vary depending on stock levels and the complexity of your order. Also, please be aware that Terry Pratchett does sign all of our books individually and he does, in fact, have Alzheimer's disease. Therefore we are unable to turn around orders requiring his signature as quickly as we used to. If this is a problem, please let us know and we'll happily refund you.

Yes, I understand all that, but I have now waited all week, where is my order?
Basically, if you place an order and subsequently can't wait for it, we are more than happy to give you a full refund. All of our T-shirts, bags, padfolios, mugs etc. etc. are not mass produced and are made to order in house. You really do need to bear this in mind when chasing us.

Ah, but I ordered it for a bithday present and need it tomorrow, where is my order?
You are not alone! This is by far the number one reason for chasing orders. We really will do our best to process your order as quickly as possible, however, all orders are processed chronologically and it's not fair to push everyone else back simply because you didn't place your order in time. Paying by PayPal or over the phone does not push you faster up the queue. Even if you beg.

But hang on a minute, I have checked with my bank and you have already taken payment, where is my order?
Paying for your order is the one thing you need to do - we have to do everything else! After fifteen years of working on trust, we now use every possible advancement in online payment technology to filter out fraudulent orders and orders placed where there are insufficient funds in the account. Therefore all payments made by card are processed automatically and the money will leave your account within a couple of days. Funds are transferred immediately for orders placed by PayPal. If you are unhappy with this, please don’t order.

But when I order from Amazon / Tesco / Figleaves / Play.com my orders arrive within a couple of days. Where is my order?
It might come as a bit of a surprise to some people that we are not in fact Amazon with a staff of thousands! Orders are processed in chronological order, depending on current stock levels.

I have just placed an order, can I come and collect it?
No, sorry. We have guard cats.


I have just placed an order, can I add something to it?
Yes. We don't hold any credit card details locally, but our payment provider allows us to make an additional charge with your permission. Please e-mail and let us know what you want.

But how can I check my order status online?
You can. Click here.

But there's no status showing - why?
Because you have probably entered a different email address to the one you used when you placed your order.

You have refunded my signed book purchase, why?
Most of our signed books are limited to one of each title per household per order; you can order more than one title, but not multiples of the same book - we will refund duplicate / multiple book orders. We go to a lot of trouble to get our books signed and rely on the goodwill Terry Pratchett in doing so. We offer signed books primarily for those who otherwise would not be able to meet Terry in person and receive fantastic feedback from those who really treasure their purchase. However, we also have occasions where customers can't even wait for their books to arrive before listing them on eBay. We therefore reserve the right not to supply dealers.


I have just received an e-mail despatch note. How long will my parcel take to arrive?
First class franked mail in the UK should arrive next day, but can take up to a week or more. Unfortunately, this is out of our control. Royal Mail 'International Signed For' estimates are three working days to Western Europe, four working days to Eastern Europe and five working days for the rest of the world. UK Parcels sent via Interlink Express are guaranteed by 3pm the following day and two working days into Europe.

I placed an order two months ago and it never arrived. Where is it?
Please forward the order confirmation e-mail to us HERE and we will look into it immediately for you. However, if you haven't received an order confirmation then the chances are we never received your order.

When do I have to pay for my order?
If you haven't paid for you order by credit / debit card / PayPal at the checkout and have opted to pay post / telephone you must pay within seven days or your order will be deleted from our system. We will not contact you for payment and goods will not be reserved for you until payment has been received in full.

Can I place an order by phone?
Yes. Please call 01722 780358 or 0044 1722 780358 if you are outside the UK. Though as with our web orders, no items can be reserved and orders will only be processed once your payment has cleared.

I left a phone message for you two minutes ago and you haven't called me back. Why?
Please be aware that we primarily run our business over the Internet and so do not operate a 24 hour a day manned call center. You definitely won't get an answer if you call at us 7am on a Saturday morning or at 11pm on a Sunday night, so please try to stick to normal office hours. Also, if you are one of our American cousins, please be aware that time outside of the USA differs from your time. Also, we are very busy and don't sit around waiting for the phone to ring and so the best way to contact us is via email.

I left a phone message for you yesterday and you haven't called me back. Why?
Okay, let's get one thing straight here; if you leave a message PLEASE make sure it's concise
and PLEASE make sure it's coherent. Remember that someone is going to have to decipher your message and so talking at 100MPH or eating your lunch while speaking is just not going to work. This might sound reeeeeeeeelly obvious, but every day we receive messages that will forever go unaswered because we don't have a number to call and don't know who we would be calling back because the message is simply garbled. Also, if you are calling to let us know that you can't order something because it's out of stock, we know - we put it out of stock - and so won't be phoning you back just to confirm this.

So, what is your current local time?  
PJSM time is Greenwich Mean Time and is currently

But your answer machine's mailbox is full?!
Ah, yes. Thanks always have to go to the online ordering virgins who phone ten times in five minutes, filling up the mailbox for everyone else before we have time to listen to them.

How much is delivery to the USA/France/New Zealand/Wales etcetera?
Just add the item(s) to the basket, go to the checkout and select the delivery country - the postage
will be worked out for you automatically. There is no obligation to buy at this point.

My order hasn't arrived and I now realise that I made a mistake with the delivery address / post code. What can I do?
We cannot be responsible for items that are lost in the post due to an error in the delivery address supplied by you.

I have just received an e-mail despatch confirmation. Where is my order ?
The despatch note is your confirmation that your order, or part of your order, has been despatched and is now in the hands of the postal / courier service.


My Recorded Delivery parcel was returned to the Post Office. What can I do?
If you do not collect your Recorded Delivery parcel from the Post Office in time and it is returned to us you will need to pay the extra postage required for re-delivery. There is also a minimum surcharge of £5.00. The timescale within which you need to collect your parcel will be specified on the card left by your Postman - this is totally out of our control. Also, please be aware that in some cases it can take several months for uncollected items to be returned to us. Again, this is totally out of our control.

I gave my student halls of residence as my delivery address and the parcel has gone missing, is there anything I can do?
Due to the high number of parcels that go missing to student addresses we do not recommend using your halls of residence or shared accommodation as your delivery address. However, if you still choose to do so then this is at your own risk and as a result we cannot be responsible for missing mail sent to any student addresses.

I gave a PO Box Number as my delivery address and the parcel has gone missing, is there anything I can do?
If you choose to give your address as a PO BOX we are not responsible for your missing mail.


You post to Antarctica, but not to Israel, Why?
Regrettably, we had to make the decision to no longer post to Israel because every single parcel either went missing or had problems associated with it. We are not in a position to suffer the continual financial losses, nor do we have the time to pursue the arduous and fruitless claims procedure. We are very sorry about this, but the Israeli postal service is out of our hands.

I gave my work address as my delivery address and the parcel has gone missing, is there anything I can do?
If you choose to have your parcel sent to your work address then you have to be 100% confident in your own internal mail system. We do not recommend using your work address and as a result we cannot be responsible for missing mail sent to business addresses.

Can I reserve goods before I pay for them?

No goods can be reserved until payment has been received in full and obviously no items will be despatched until you have paid for them!

I don't have a credit card, can I pay in US Dollars, Canadian Dollars,
Australian Dollars, Yen?

No.

I live in an Amazonian Jungle / Arctic Tundra / Nubian Desert / The USA but I selected UK postage - will you still send my goods?
If you select the incorrect delivery country during checkout your order will be held in limbo until the correct postage is paid. We will send you a link with the outstanding amount you need to pay; just follow that link, enter the amount and go through the checkout procedure where our postage Imp will happily receive your payment and pass your order for processing.

I have clicked on the 'Pay by Cheque' option, but live outside of the UK, what do I do now?
This option is only available to UK customers, all overseas orders placed in this way will be automatically deleted. We accept Visa Debit / Credit, MasterCard and American Express cards - you can also pay by PayPal.

Can I send you a cheque or Postal Order?
Yes, but this option is only available if you are in the UK and the cheque is in UK Pounds Sterling drawn on a UK bank. Cheques and Postal Orders must be received within seven days of placing your order otherwise it will be deleted from our system.

Please post cheques / Postal Orders to;

PJSM Prints
PO Box 1770
Salisbury
WIltshire
SP5 5SS

What credit cards do you accept?
We accept Visa Credit / Debit cards, MasterCard and American Express.

What other options are there for paying?
We also accept payments by PayPal. If you select the 'Pay by PayPal' option at the checkout you will be automatically taken through the PayPal checkout procedure.

I don't have a PayPal account?
You now don't need one to make an instant payment by card, but setting up an account only takes a matter of minutes - go to www.paypal.com

Can I send you an International Money Order?
No.

Can I pay Cash on Delivery?
No.

Can you send me your bank account details so I can transfer
the money direct into your account?

NO!

What does GBP mean?
Great British Pounds / Pounds Sterling. It doesn't mean US Dollars.


I have read your frequently asked questions and cannot pay by any of the methods listed. How can I pay?
Sorry, you can't....


If I buy more than one item, can I have a discount?
NO!

I'm going to place a really big order, can I have a discount?
Thank you... and NO!! Though if it's a really big order, please let us know...

When are the Nac Mac Feegle figurines coming back into stock?
The Feegles were produced as a limited edition and so once they are gone, they're gone.

Are all your books signed by the Terry Pratchett?
Yes, Terry signs all of our books, DVDs, Blu-rays, framed prints etcetera by hand.

You mean you use an autosigner?
No! Terry Pratchett signs everything by hand himself.

You mean he signs book plates and you stick them in?
No! He hand signs the actual book itself.


Really? Every book?
Yes! We carry the largest range of hand signed Terry Pratchett books anywhere.


So can I have a Certificate of Authenticity then?
What, signed by Terry? And who would authenticate that?! I'm sorry, but CoA's aren't worth the paper they are written on and so that is not something that we can offer.

In that case, can I send you a pile of my own books for Terry to sign?
No. No. No. No. No. For all of the reasons Terry mentions towards the bottom of the page here. Sorry, but there's simply not enough time enough the world to offer that service. As you're all aware, at signings there is always the obligatory suitcase full of books and we simply cannot go down that route. No exceptions. None.

My book isn't a first edition / first printing - why not?
We sell hundreds of signed books and can only guarantee first editions to those customers who pre-order in the month before publication. If you have placed an order three months later, logic dictates that you won't be getting a first printing. Check HERE for first editions and collectables.

Do you have any signed books in French, German, American?
Sorry, but all of our signed books are English language editions only.


Can you send me a catalogue?
No we can't. We are an online retailer with numerous product lines. Therefore we can refresh and update our stock regularly without the constraints of printing and posting new catalogues.

When I try to add a second item to the shopping cart, the first one vanishes. What's wrong with your site?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with our site, but you do need to enable cookies on your machine. Cookies are a small amount of data sent to your web browser from a web server. They cannot harm your machine in any way as they are small text files with simple information in them. Our cookies keep track of items in your shopping basket and act as place-markers when you move around the site.


After a while, all of the items in my shopping cart disappear. What's wrong with your site?
There is absolutely nothing wrong with our site. After a period of inactivity the cookie that stores your shopping cart contents resets. If this period of time is too short for you, may we suggest that you have a bit of a browse first and then go back to place items in the cart.


I ordered a bag, a pack of cards and some badges but only the bag has arrived - where are my other items?
Please look inside the bag. You really would be amazed at the amount of queries we receive in regard to part orders when the items are packed safely within the bag... or tube...

I have received an incomplete order. My print / poster are missing?
WE KNOW!!!!!!!!! Sorry, we must compose ourselves before answering this one... Okay, this is now quickly becoming the number reason for making unnecessary contact. Please, just think about it for one minute; we're not going to pack your mugs and a poster in the same parcel, are we? Seriously, that isn't going to work. So, what we do is pack prints and posters into almost indestructible postal tubes so they don't get damaged. It really is as simple as that. For some reason tubes always seem to take a couple of days extra to work their way through the postal system. As do mug packs.


Can you leave my parcel in the porch / garage / woodshed / Wendy house?
It might come as a bit of a surprise, but we don't actually hand deliver each parcel ourselves.
We post goods to the four corners of the globe daily and so as have to rely on the Royal Mail
to do this for us. After all, there might be something nasty in the woodshed...

My earrings don't suit me, can I return them?
For obvious health and hygiene reasons - no.

My T-Shirt / Mug / Badges / Bag / Padfolio don't suit me, can I return them?
Sorry, but all items that are made to order are non-returnable and non-refundable unless faulty.


My DVD won't play, why?
We clearly state on the DVD page that all of our DVDs are region 2 encoded. They will only play on European region 2 or
multi-region players. This means they will NOT play on standard US region 1 machines. It is the customer's responsibility to ensure whether a region 2 DVD will play on their machine or not.

My Blu-ray won't play, why?
We clearly state on the DVD page that all of our Blu-rays are region B encoded. They will only play on European region B or multi-region players. This means they will NOT play on standard US machines. It is the customer's responsibility to ensure whether a region B Blu-ray will play on their machine or not.


My miniature has arrived "broken" - what should I do?
Okay. Firstly, be aware that only a few of the miniatures do NOT require some sort of assembly; items such as brooms, hats, crossbows, swords etcetera
are all supplied loose and will need to be glued into place.

My miniature has arrived unpainted - what should I do?
No? Really? I mean, seriously? No paint at all? Well, that might just have something to do with the various clues placed on the miniatures page, clues such as "the kit will require preparation, assembly and painting" and "they come unpainted".
The next person to complain about this will be named and shamed - you have been warned. And if anyone out there knows of a way to make this any clearer, please let us know as we're being driven totally insane by inane queries. Arrgghh.

My T-shirts have arrived, but they don't fit - I want to exchange them, okay?
The one thing we EXPECT you to know is what size you are, whether it's for yourself or a gift. We make all of out T-shirts to order and so cannot give credit or refunds on size errors made by you.


The image on my T-shirt has started to fade - I don't know what has happened, Can you explain?
We understand that almost all of our garments are hand-washed by fairies on the banks of crystal clear lakes and then taken by bluebirds and butterflies to be dried over wildflower meadows. However, for the few that are machine washed, PLEASE adhere to the washing instructions and DO NOT boil wash, tumble-dry or iron the image and make sure you
WASH IT INSIDE OUT.

But I did follow the washing instructions. . . honestly.
The manufactures of our transfer materials test wash all of their materials, but this isn't good enough for us and so we rigorously test wash and dry every design before we release it. The good news is that of the thousands of shirts we have produced, the amount of returns at the time of writing totals FOUR failed garments. Obviously, these four shirts were washed following the washing instructions and yet neither the manufacturers or ourselves have been able to duplicate the damage. In each case we have been told that it looks as if the shirt was washed too hot, with a harsh detergent and not turned inside out; what else can we say???


I have used my bag every day for the past six months and it has started to fray around the edges. Will you send me a new one?
No, not until we launch our new carbon fibre and kevlar range. We can't possibly guarantee that any of our products are indestructible and unless it's down to a manufacturing fault after a reasonable amount of time, wear and tear is going to take its toll.


Why do you not have a wider range of posters?
We are often asked why we only sell one Discworld poster and the simple answer is that production costs are prohibitive. A print run for one poster can easily be in excess of £5,000. Another factor is storage as posters are very easily damaged.


Are your prints framed?
Most of our framed prints are available at various Discworld events, but a range is available
here. Prices start from just £25.00.

Can I use your artwork as a Tattoo?
Yes, but it is always courteous to ask first and we would appreciate seeing a photo of the finished work!

Can I use your artwork on my own personal web site?
Yes, but you MUST ask first and the site MUST be a non-commercial fan-based Discworld
site. ALL images MUST be clearly shown to be
© Paul Kidby / PJSM Prints and a note should
also be included stating that permission has been obtained with a link back to
www.pjsmprints.com Most importantly the image must be reproduced in it's original form and therefore must not be adapted or incorporated into any other work.

Can I  adapt your artwork for use as a PS Tube?
No.

Can I use your artwork as my avatar?
Yes, but it is always courteous to ask first.

Can I use your artwork on my commercial website?
No.

Are you interested in buying my Clarecraft collection, my beige Mini Metro 1986, my own artwork?
No.


Can you help me with my School / College / University project?
Sorry, but we really are very busy and there just isn't time to help with all the requests we receive.

Can you get Terry to dedicate my print / book to my mum?
Unfortunately not. It's now common knowledge that Terry is suffering from a rare form of Alzheimer's disease and from now on will only be signing his name.

I know you are really busy, but....?

Yes! We are!

The Bulgarian translator isn't very good, what are you going to do about it....?
нищо


Can I have this or that image as a poster / print / bag?

All of the images are shown in every format available. If it isn't on the site then it isn't available. It is not possible to produce individual prints to order.

Do you also do it in black / white / pink / larger / smaller?
If it's not shown here on the site then we don't do it.

I have an excellent idea for an image,,,

That's great, but all of the artwork is copyrighted and as previously stated, we really are unable to do one off designs.

The I
A-M T-shirt / Mug etc. would look so much better if you squeezed in the words
Ankh-Morpork, rather than just having the initials,,,
O...K.... Maybe search for 'Milton Glaser' on Google or perhaps click here.

I'm a wholesaler, can I sell your products?
No.

Will you please paint a picture of my wife / husband / dog?

Sorry, but we are unable to take private commissions.

Now that the Librarian/Greebo/Rincewind prints are sold out, can you send me an electronic version so I can print them out at home?
All of our images are © copyright Sandra Kidby / PJSM Prints 1995 - 2010 and so unfortunately not.

I am Discworld's Number One fan, can you arrange for Terry Pratchett to come to my
party / wedding / funeral?

Err, no.

I am Discworld's Greatest Fan, can I have something for free?
Noooooo!!!!!

'Tis the Season to be Numpty...
Yes, it is, isn't it.

*1 Not really. We mean it.

We currently only deliver to the third rock from the Sun


 

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